Jan 10: Walk

I had no idea when I picked walking as my theme today that I would end up having so much to say about it.  After a brief time spent researching online, I have discovered over 40 expressions for walking, and references to walks for causes and cures and protests, the age babies usually begin walking (9-18 months, if you wanted to know), symbolism of walking, body language while walking, pilgrimages throughout history, religious references to miraculous walking, such as Christ walking on water, etc.  Who knew a topic like walking, a thing most of us do every day without a second thought, could be so thought provoking?

There are some things in my life that deep down I want to do, know I need to do, like writing, painting, exercising, getting out of bed... but it's really hard to get the initial motivation.  Once I start, however, I hit this groove and I just keep going and it's hard to stop. Today I wanted to take up walking again, something I used to do every day, and quite enjoyed, but for some reason left behind.  It wasn't until after dark that I finally started.  I thought to myself, "Hey, even if you only go to the end of the street and back, it's a start in the right direction."  Of course, once I got to the end of the street, I kept going, and going, and going.  I ended up taking a pretty long walk, got some fresh air and exercise, and along the way got some really good inspiration for my writing.  So get out there and pound that pavement, even if it's only to the end of your driveway at first.  After all, "the longest journey begins with a single step." ~ Lao Tsu

Jan 9: Let it Bee

So, another wonderful Sunday, here and gone.  Had so many ideas for my blog that I almost couldn't pick.  In the end, the one that stuck with me was an analogy I heard about a camel and a bee.  But let me start by asking, have you ever considered how complex and diverse nature is?  There are millions of plants and animals, and each has their role in the circle of life.
Now imagine a camel and bee (who are self-aware and like to think about things...). The camel thinks, "I hate being a camel. I am awkward and bland, I have to carry all this stuff around.  I wish I could be like that bee.  It can fly, it is bright and pretty, it makes honey..."  The bee thinks, "I hate being a bee.  I am so small and weak, I work all the time.I wish I could be like that camel.  It's big and strong, it can travel long distances..."  How often are we like that?  Always comparing ourselves to others and thinking that they've got it so great and have so much to offer, and not being grateful for our own unique gifts.
I've been reading a lot about enlightenment, how it can only be attained when we overcome our ego.  Our ego is constantly seeking attention, affection.  It is easily swayed by flattery, or insult.  But when we have become truly self-aware, we have put the ego aside and have an inner peace, a sense of individuality and constancy of spirit that cannot be diminished or increased by external influences.  So if we can focus more on our own good qualities, and seek to use them in making the world a better place, instead of always trying to be someone else, we can embrace who we are, flaws and all, and say "this is who I am, and I serve a purpose."

Jan 8: Just Breathe...

I have really struggled to think of a theme for today.  (Rather than coming up with it at the beginning of the day and trying to do it all day long, I look for clues throughout the day from meditations, reading, and my interactions with people.)  It was another rough day at work, and then a night that was supposed to be simple and fun, a "sisters night," ended up being kind of stressful and emotional.  Maybe that's what happens when you know people really well and you are all dealing with very unique personal battles, you turn on each other.
It seems like over the past week, as I have changed some of my attitudes and behaviors, as I have tried to find balance, positivity, and peace, things have been slowly escalating.  My surroundings have seemed more erratic, negative, and turbulent.  Things kept getting worse and worse and I felt awful.  So I tried to clear my mind and meditate for a few moments.  Not try to think of a way to fix it, not rehash all the details of it and try to figure out who was most at fault or what I should have done differently.  I just sat, and breathed.  And then I saw the starfish.
         Stars have a lot more symbolism than most people realize.  They are used in government, on country flags and military uniforms.  They are used in Hollywood, a symbol of achievement and success.  They are used by many religions to represent spiritual concepts.  For example, in some religions the star is symbolic of the human body, the four lower points being the arms and legs, and the point on top representing the head, and more specifically the mind.  When the head is atop the arms and legs, this symbolizes wisdom and control over the body.
         The one I found tonight, left on my dresser, is supposed to bring good luck.  It was given to me by my sister, the very person I've been having so much friction with lately.  Finding it there, at the moment when I thought we were far apart, was like coming home.  I thought then (as I have many times) about what an odd thing such close relationships are.  No one can make you laugh, cry, hate, or love quite as fast or as easily.  And though you'll have moments where you're really frustrated, you know that those relationships will be the ones that stick with you forever, and in the long run the little things that bother you now will seem very unimportant.

Jan 7: Laugh

I know this one seems very obvious, and like something every generic self-help book will tell you to do.  But I was struggling today, and I needed this one.  This morning was the first one all week that I had to do actual work.  I mean physical, in so much pain i never want to move again- construction kind of work.  Work with a capital Wah..... But I digress.  Because of this "work," I didn't have the leisure time in the morning that I've had the past 6 days.  And so instead of spending hours meditating, writing, and reading, I slept in as long as possible and then was rushed out the door by my impatient father.  On the way there, and with the conversations that came up, I could feel negativity building up inside me.
Then I took a deep breath, smiled, and decided that one bad start wasn't going to derail me from my progress.  I ended up having a pretty good day (though rough).  And when I came home I had a story to tell, that though amusing, I certainly didn't think would tickle my mom so pink it'd bring tears to her eyes.  Allow me to share: So we were installing sheetrock over a lady's crappy old ceiling.  Sheetrock is heavy, going up and down ladders is hard on the legs, and holding your arms above your head all day while holding a heavy electric screwdriver is not the funnest thing in the world.  Halfway through the day I got a piece of sheetrock in my eye and couldn't get it out.  I went to the bathroom so I could use the mirror, and after freeing the tiny but deadly fragment, I noticed that my lips were dark purple, and I had no idea why.  I asked my Dad and brother in law, who had "subconsciously noticed when it wasn't quite so bad."  Dad suggested I get more oxygen to my brain, but besides that we were all quite befuddled.  It wasn't until an hour later, when I noticed how dirty my hands had gotten from handling the screws, that I realized duh... I'd been holding the extra screws in between my lips so that I didn't have to bend over as much.   So silly... Anyway, you never know when a simple silly thing like that will happen, and you must embrace them when they do.  One thing is for sure, whatever you look for in life, you'll find it.  So why not look for something to smile about? p.s. dear cute baby, sorry to exploit you, but you are adorable :)

Jan 6: Let Some Light In

The best compliment I've ever gotten came from an adorable 4 yr. old boy named Gabriel.  As I helped him take off his shoes, he looked up at me, smiled, and said, "You have lights in your eyes." I'd been told that once before, and I'd noticed in others.  Some people, some times, have a sparkle from within.  Many faiths refer to light as a symbol for knowledge, truth, purity, and enlightenment.  Siddha Yogi recognize a ball of light at the center of the soul called the "blue pearl." Buddhists believe that all beings are inspired with their own divine light.  Christians refer to Christ as the "light of the world."  Themes of light and dark are common in literature, art, and movies.  One that comes to mind is the light of Elendil in The Lord of the Rings, a light to be used "when all other lights go out."
In my bedroom are some heavy curtains and these obnoxious rods that slide right out of their grooves when touched.  So we often keep them closed all the time.  In fact, when we go to bed at night, we take a moment to check that they are pulled tightly over the windows, so that a stray ray of light won't pierce our face in the morning.  But today, after making the bed and saying my morning prayer, but before I started meditating, I opened them.  As they usually do, they fell.  But I fixed them and pinned them to the side, letting in some natural light.  At first I thought the bedroom would have a stroke.  "What's going on here?" it must have been thinking.  But then it took a deep breath and we noticed it looked quite different in daylight, kinda beautiful.
In our lives we tend to cover up our own light, whether through fear, despair, or following dark paths.  So what can we do do let our "little light" shine?  Try meditating daily (with natural sunlight on you if possible) and focus on all the blessings in your life.  Then try to hold that gratitude inside you throughout the day.  Imagine a light in every cell of your body, shining out through your eyes, your smile, the tips of your fingers and toes.  Increase your own search for knowledge, truth, purity, and enlightenment.  Let in some light, and see what grows.

Jan 5: See Yourself

Today I meditated.  And without really meaning too, I had the most beautiful experience.  Usually, trying to focus (for me) is like trying to nail jello to a tree.  But lately I have been getting better at it.  I closed my eyes, listened to my all time favorite relaxing song ("Mountain Stream" from Solitudes: Appalachian Mountain Suite, but I also really love "Lament" from The Lord of the Dance Soundtrack. I know, I'm a dork.) and saw myself walking barefoot on a dirt path in the middle of this beautiful, lush forest.  And for a moment, I swear it was like I could feel the wet soil, soft beneath my feet.  The mind is a powerful thing, and what it perceives as real, for all intents and purposes, is real.  What, then, could be more important than the way we perceive ourselves?  For how we see ourselves affects every aspect of our lives, how we treat others, how we allow them to treat us, what we think, say, and do, all revolve around our self-image.  

And today, I was confronted with an idea that made me see myself differently.  Spiritual scholars from many cultures teach that though we like to see ourselves as completely individual (and this is true, no one will ever have your body, your thoughts, your experiences, your desires), we are all much more connected to one another and the world around us than we realize.  Qualities that I admire in someone, to some extent, are a part of me.  Qualities that I don't like (impatience, hypocrisy, over-dramatizing...) are also a part of me.  Things we like and don't like about ourselves are also a part of each other.  Everyone we know, whether we like them or not, and everyone we will ever come into contact with, is made up of the same qualities (in varying degrees) as we are. Knowing this, and considering it when we interact with others, can change everything.  For, "If you see yourself in others, who then can you harm?" ~ Buddha

Jan 4: Ponder

Okay, it is past midnight and I almost said, "I'll do it tomorrow." But really this has become a good way to wrap up my day and bring meaning to it before turning in.  So even though it's late, here I am.  I have been reading a book by Deepak Chopra, entitled "The Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire."  There's a lot of new agey lingo and I get lost in some of it.  But in general I feel I have learned a lot and I am already changing.  It's not that his ideas are new.  In a way, I feel I had the answers all along.  It's like reading it has reminded me of what I should already be doing.  Today I read about meditation, something I've done before, though never consistently.  And then tonight at a religious class I attend weekly, the instructor emphasized how important it is to "ponder." I didn't just choose it because it's a fun word... oh, no.  It really can bring clarity and focus to our lives.  We spend all day being bombarded by noise- work, school, television, radio, mind-numbing chit-chat.  In a world so full of static, it can be hard to get a clear signal.  But if we will take the time to ponder, to just sit and listen and be, maybe we'll hear what we've been drowning out all along.

Jan 2: Begin... Again.

For the first time in awhile I was actually looking forward to going to church today.  I think as people of any faith, sometimes we stray from what we believe and instead we seek other means of getting what we want out of life.  Whether we become lax because we are tired of trying to live up to impossible standards, or because we are tempted by a fleeting pleasure, or we have become complacent after years of what seems like tedious or repetitive spiritual practice, we all stumble from time to time.
I heard two testimonies today that really made me think. One was by a young man who had tried other ways to be happy, and finally realized that being close to God was the only true and lasting happiness.  He had recently decided that instead of jumping in and out of faith, he was going to take a permanent step in the right direction.  The second was an older man who had grown up in another faith and studied at a Bible college before meeting his wife who "showed him what it means to be a man of God."  He said that when we are just going along with the motions of our spiritual practice, just "showing up," we are "spiritually freeloading."  It really clicked with me because that's how I've been living for awhile now: going through the motions and constantly wondering what I'm getting out of it.  But the truth is, we only get what we give.
There are many paths to become closer to God.  And I am not suggesting any over another.  What I am suggesting, and what my challenge for today became, is to: Begin... Again.  Take a look at your life on the level that matters most- that of the soul.  Beyond your goals for the year to earn more money, fall in love, go back to school, lose weight, travel, or whatever else you may have in mind, take a look at what you believe.  And know that every moment is a chance to start over, to begin... again.

Jan 1: Start Fresh

I woke up this morning and felt stupid happy.  I was actually smiling and singing as I was making the bed.  And I hate making the bed.  What, you may ask, was the reason for this mood?  Well I'll tell you... I have no idea.

Except that lately I have been thinking a lot about what I want to do differently in my life.  And I am the kind of obsessive-neurotic person that needs a clean start, like a brand new shiny year to do it.  It's almost as if I had all of these seeds of change inside me, but I didn't let in any light until today.

And rather than thinking about all the things I want to change and getting overwhelmed and giving up, I decided to start this blog, dedicated to making small changes.  My favorite quote of all time is:

"Life isn't about finding yourself.  It's about creating yourself."


And what do you do when you want to create something? You start with a blank canvas.  So today's small change was to start fresh.  I cleaned the room, I took a bubble bath, I took care of some things I'd been avoiding, I even found time to go for a bikeride, watch the sunset, and eat a lucky bowl of black-eyed peas and rice.  And for the first time ever, the New Year actually feels like a New Year.